It is never easy for kids to move… at least it isn’t after about the time they start walking… but we don’t have to make it tougher.
Of course, as with many things in life, there are two distinct schools of thought…
- Move during the summer to avoid disrupting the kids’ school year…
- Move during the school year to allow kids to quickly meet new friends…
The answer depends on a variety of things…
- The age of your child or children…
- Their ability to socially engage with new kids…
- Their involvement with extra-curricular activities…
- Last, but certainly not least, their age(s)…
As a kid I moved several times with my family. A few of the moves were across town, but one of the moves was halfway across the county. Then, entering college I moved halfway across the country again. Of course, there were some moves as an adult as well, including a couple of reasonably local moves with my own children. Almost all of those moves were done during the summer.
English: This is a digital image of youth members of Scouts Australia from several groups attending “Scouts Own” during a camp.(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I used to be of the opinion that moving during the school year was easier on kids, but I personally have modified my opinion a bit. The reason that moving during the school year is a bit easier on kids is that it gives them an immediate array of social opportunities… new classmates, extra-curricular activities, etc. In reading the articles by “experts” on child development, disconnection and boredom are the big enemies. Of course, the problem with moving during the school year is making sure that your child(ren) are up to speed on their studies in the new school.
A successful move with kids often comes down to planning. Through planning, most of the challenges can be overcome. There are a few sticky things that can’t be completely glossed over, but perhaps they can be ameliorated a bit. The biggest of these is how to maintain relationships with friends from the old neighborhood. It isn’t so tough when you move within the same school district, but becomes more challenging with a move across town and tougher still with a move out of state.
My first move that I remember was at the beginning of 1st Grade. We moved across town, facilitating a change of schools. My parents bought the house over the summer, but we actually moved right at the start of the school year. I was able to quickly make friends and didn’t suffer the summer boredom that would set in over 8 weeks of not knowing anyone my own age…
The next one happened the summer after 5th Grade. This was from Michigan to Virginia. Obviously, my parents weren’t able to invite my best friend to come over and spend the day with me from 700 miles away… and at that time we didn’t have email and Skype. The result was that my parents had to keep me busy over the summer… which they did.
Just a year later we moved again. While it was to a new town, it was actually fairly close… only about 20 minutes away. We moved in the middle of the summer, but the neighborhood pool at the new house made meeting peers pretty easy. Everyone hung out at the pool during the day. In a few weeks, by the time school started, I had a pretty solid social network, including a friend with whom I’ve maintained communication with for the last 35+ years.
Something that gets missed…
I think that sometimes kids need a reset. A move can be a great opportunity to accomplish that. Perhaps there is a nickname or a story that your child would prefer was forgotten. Sometimes it is just a chance to get past an outdated profile…
Just like starting a new job can be a new beginning for adults, a new school and potential new friends can be a new beginning for kids. It is a great opportunity for kids to start fresh with both friends and teachers. Sometimes it can even be to escape the pre-concieved notions from their older siblings… whether their older sister was a troublemaker or their brother was a awkward. It allows a younger child to not have to overcome teachers or administrators attaching their siblings traits to them.
For many kids, while it might be painful at the time, it allows a chance for a child to forge their own self-identity.
Help…
As mentioned, getting involved in something and meeting new peers are the ways to ease the transition. And while well-meaning parents will often try to pick out a few “potential friends” from the children of their peers, that might not always be the best strategy. Often, parents pick “friends” for their kids based on who they think their kids should model after, not who their kids what to spend time with.
Some great ways to get into a positive environment to meet peers would be Scouts, church youth groups or even community amenities. For older kids, a job might actually be one of the things that really helps them get established. Sports may be tough to arrange for on any level higher than recreational. Things like Travel Leagues, and some House Leagues in competitive areas may have had try-outs months before summer starts…
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