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Category Archives: hobby

Sunday is Video day!… let’s have fun…

Normally on Sunday I post up a car video or two, but today will be a little different. Today’s video are about humor… and then there is a little garage humor at the end.

The first video is “The Man Song.” The song has been around a while, but this is the first video I’ve seen of it.

The second video is by Kip Adotta… I might have just slaughtered his last name… It has also been around a little longer than forever. I saw him perform it in a little comedy club in Minneapolis back around 1988 or so. It is PG13… some of the content might e a little advanced for younger kids… or they won’t get the joke.

And so there are the videos. Now for a little garage humor. We all love our tools, but sometimes we need to give them better definitions. These have been around a while, but I found a few new ones…

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 50 years ago by someone in Michigan or England and twists them off.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.

BEAM-TYPE TORQUE WRENCH: A long tool used for precisely tightening nuts and bolts. Chief characteristic of using = The handle will ALWAYS contact firewall or fender-well just BEFORE the required torque value is reached.

BREAKER BAR: A long tool for loosening and tightening nuts and bolts. May substitute for TORQUE WRENCH. When used to tighten nuts and bolts, the rule of thumb is “Tighten Until It Strips – Then Back It Off 1/4 Turn”.

CLICK-TYPE TORQUE WRENCH: A long tool used for precisely tightening nuts and bolts. May also be used as a very accurate and expensive BREAKER BAR

CRESCENT WRENCH: See PLIERS

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.

EIGHT FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used as a long lever with crushable ends.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known center punch or drill bit.

FLASHLIGHT: A GREAT holder for dead batteries.

GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise or peanut butter. Used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

HAND ELECTRIC DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: A device used for raising a vehicle off of the ground. When RAISING – The first stopping point will ALWAYS be 1/2 inch below the top of the Jack Stand. When LOWERING – The stopping point of the Jack will ALWAYS be 1/2 inch above the height needed to remove the Jack.

MECHANIC’S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing tonneaus, soft tops, and leather upholstery kits.

OXY-ACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum you’re trying to get the bearing race out of.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used as a non-drifting drift to ALMOST align motor mount holes. Can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

PLIERS: An adjustable tool used to round off bolt heads.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

PUTTY KNIFE: A shorter and wider version of a GASKET SCRAPER (above). Who the heck uses putty anymore anyway ?

TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating the grease that has built up on a harmonic balancer.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic’s own tanning booth. Accurately called a “drop” light. It is a good source of vitamin D, “the sunshine vitamin,” which is not otherwise found under automobiles at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 60-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. Makes a tinkling sound and a whisp of smoke when splashed with radiator coolant.

TUBING CUTTER: A very accurate tool used to cut brake and fuel lines exactly 1/2 inch too short.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters caused by the above.

TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and fuel lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.

VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to rapidly transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you’ve been searching for the last 15 minutes.

WIRE BRUSH WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar string callouses in about the time it takes you to say, “Ouch….”

1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

6-FOOT STEEL TAPE: A long slender steel ribbon with inch marks. Steel tapes ALWAYS break-away and bend downwards just before you reach the point to which you are measuring.

I hope you had a great weekend. I’m getting ready to start watching Super Bowl commercials… I might be posting about those tomorrow. I will have to get to real estate soon, too…

It’s Sunday… video day (or not)

Ralph just kicked this up on a forum I administer. It is a lot of fun… especially if you like air time.

I hope you enjoyed it.

NHL All-Star Game in Atlanta, Part V

Today was the final day of my volunteer commitment to the NHL for the all-Star game.  It was a great time.

I made only one run with a player, Andrei Markov, and his lovely SO (Significant Other).  I took them from the player hotel to their Delta flight.  Not very chatty…  But, I think that was more of a language function than anything else.

After getting back, I grabbed some drivers and we began to send the Dodge vehicles to the staging lot where they were to be loaded into a truck for return to Michigan.  It was the end of the ride… so to speak.

I think the best part of the weekend was hanging out with the other drivers.  We had a pretty good time trading stories, and hearing about the riders.  For the most part, all of the passengers were pretty good.  I heard about a few that were less than pleasant, but most were very down to earth and seemed to like the break from autograph hounds and demanding agents…

So, back to real estate posts starting tomorrow (Tuesday…).

NHL All-Star Game in Atlanta, Part IV

Garrett with a BIG guySunday…  All-Star Game day.  Once again, I didn’t get to drive Alyssa Milano and family…

I was assigned to drive Rob Carr, VP of the Detroit Red Wings.  I’d give a link with his bio, but I couldn’t really find one.

I grabbed some lunch after chilling in the lounge for a while, and as I started eating, I got the call to pick up Rob and his lovely wife.  So, chomping fries as I scooted down to the van, and ran over to the Ritz-Carlton.  I drove them to the Georgia Aquarium and then sent their bags to the Red Wing’s cargo van.

I cooled my heels in the deck of the Aquarium for a couple of hours… and the Carrs decided to walk to Philips (I assume, because nobody let me know they were out…).

I ran a coat left in the van over to the arena to their cargo van and then went back to the Westin to chill until I took Marta back home.

One of the things that has been the most fun has been hanging out in the lounge or in the staging areasSkills Competition with the other drivers.  There are some serious hockey fans in the driver pool… I have nothing on these guys.  Not only do they know all of the actual news in the league, but they know the rumors.  And they have a serious network.

I forgot to strap on the camera today, so no pics… and really nothing to shoot.  So, I added some more from yesterday.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow.  That will be the final push to get everyone out of town that isn’t chartered out after the game tonight.  Hopefully I’ll get some great names… You’ll see it here…

I’ll be back on real estate Tuesday.

NHL All-Star Game in Atlanta, Part III

No Challenger with Garrettdriving today… today I was a fan.  After relaxing with the family all day, we headed down to Philips Arena for the Skills Competition and Young Stars game.

We got another look at the 2008 Dodge Challenger.  It was the same car from last night, but there was light… and a crowd.  The second best news of the evening was that my son LOVED it… I knew he had good genes.  The Challengers will be rolling off of the line in May, and can be ordered in April, although most dealers are taking deposits.  These things are hot.

Dodge is the title sponsor for the skills competition.

Yesterday, the Atlanta Journal Constitution had some “not nice” things to say about the NHL All Star Game.  Crowd in CNN Center

They have pulled the article behind the “gotta pay for it” curtain.  The highlights were that the MLB and NBA All-Star games will have a higher economic impact than the NHL All-Star game.  They also mentioned that there were more hotel rooms dedicated to the Poultry Convention than the NHL ASG.  But, while saying all of this, I think there is something that isn’t being accounted for… as many as 2/3rds of the fans were local.  They didn’t get hotel rooms, because they live here.

Looking around at the crowd in the event, at least half of the jerseys were from the Thrashers.  Let’s face it, people aren’t coming in from Montreal and New Jersey to wear Thrasher’s jerseys… but they are wearing Oiler’s and Lightning jerseys and coming from Lilburn and Marietta.  So, I know that the number of hotel rooms doesn’t tell the story.  I also know that the AJC won’t report on the economic impact if they are wrong and the numbers come in high.  Accuracy competition

So, what about the event?

It rocked.  The 3 on 3 Young Stars competition was a hoot .  These kids knocked out some goals.  13 goals in 12 minutes of play.  Two of them had been passengers in my van from the airport.  It was fun to watch them.

The skills were exciting as the Eastern team dominated.  Despite the AJC reporting LeCavalier winning the hardest shot, Chara actually did the feat… 103.1 mph.  It was quite exciting watching the shootout, obstacle course and other events.  Even Garrett was cheering for Hossa and Kovy.

So far it has been a great event.  I’m looking forward to tomorrow and driving again.

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